I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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