loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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