I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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