Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
