I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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