i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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