just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
