Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
