I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
love makes seman taste better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
