dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
