this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
