I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
