I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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