I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
