Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
