why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
