I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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