my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
