the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
