I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
