he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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