I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
