i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
