My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
