and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
