my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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