you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
