I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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