Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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