If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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