just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
