But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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