did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
