He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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