The maid of honor just puked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
