oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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