Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
