You just made me feel so damn special
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
