anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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