Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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