she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
