i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
