If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
