Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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