that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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