6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
MIDGETS
????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
