I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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