Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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