Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
