mondays should just be called national damage control day
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
